I love telling my non-Jewish friends that Purim is the holiday when we’re supposed to get so drunk that we can’t tell the difference between the good Mordechai and the evil Haman. And then I love seeing their jealous reactions.
Of course, there is absolutely no obligation to drink, and even the great rabbis agree you shouldn’t get so drunk that you violate a commandment or endanger life. So make sure to bring a DD with you to shul and give him your car keys.
Having settled that, here is the unofficial drinking game of Purim to get you nicely shnookered this weekend.
- Any time Haman is mentioned, boo him and take a drink.
- Any time you forget to boo Haman, take two drinks.
- Any time someone dressed as Achashverosh says “It’s good to be the king!” take a drink.
- Any time you see someone dressed as Esther and someone dressed as Vashti in a catfight, take a drink.
- Any time you fail to recognize someone behind their mask, take a drink.
- Any time you notice someone spitting out their hamantaschen because they accidentally took the prune-filled one, take a drink.
- Any time you mess up while singing LaKova Sheli (My Hat, It Has Three Corners), take a drink.
- Any time you see a kid finish his entire Mishloach Manot basket, take a drink.
- Any time you hear the rabbi make a joke he would never say on the other 364 days of the year, take a shot.
- Any time a gragger flies out of someone’s hand, take a drink. (Of course if it hits someone else in the head, abandon your drink and help the poor guy out.)
- If the Megillah reader manages to say the names of Haman’s ten sons in one breath, finish your drink.
- If the Purim spiel is based on a popular franchise from the past ten years (e.g. Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, Breaking Bad, etc.), finish your drink.
- If your non-Jewish friend asks you “Wait, so it’s like the Jewish Halloween?” spit in your drink and make him finish it. Same if he asks why you’re not celebrating St. Patrick’s Day.
- Keep track of the number of times Esther and Haman are mentioned in the Megillah. If you got 54 for each person, finish your drink and take two shots, because you’re still way too sober.